he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Randomize
