things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can text with my tongue
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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