if i can run in heels then i can drive
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
