I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
