Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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