remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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