Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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