i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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