What a fucking waste of an outfit
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
