i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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