yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
