Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
