His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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