A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
