I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
