Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
