I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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