I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
