he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
