How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
