A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize