i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
