Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize