The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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