I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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