it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just cropdusted the office
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
