The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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