Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
