Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it's like iHOP with fire
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
