So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
