On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize