Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
