Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
