the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
