i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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