Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize