You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
