Me too!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
