just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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