someone threw a dead crab at me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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