Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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