question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can feel your judgement through the phone
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize