I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
is it fun? or sober?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
