don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
