so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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