You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
