I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
