I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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