I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
