right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
