If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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