sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
