but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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