I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Randomize
