"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
