If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
