And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
