i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So much rum. So many feels.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
