Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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