super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Princesses don't give blow jobs
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize