Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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