Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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