I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
