Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i love accidental penises.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
