he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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