I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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