OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
