its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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