Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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