So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize