last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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