He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize