I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
