I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
