nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love having hate sex.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
