nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize