White coat. Heels.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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