she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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