it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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