carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
