I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
