Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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