I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
