i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
