It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
