He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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