i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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