I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
