You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
