Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
