so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
