I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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