Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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